


Nate & Teddy Stories

by hells_half_acre



Series: Demented'verse [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Gen, HP: Epilogue Compliant, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Post - Deathly Hallows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-11
Updated: 2012-05-11
Packaged: 2017-11-05 03:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/402123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hells_half_acre/pseuds/hells_half_acre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one-shots about Nate and Teddy from my demented'verse. These stories are about Teddy Lupin and his friends navigating their relationships at Hogwarts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tiger and Wolf

**Author's Note:**

> I'm combining my Nate & Teddy timestamps into one chaptered work, since they are a little separate from the rest of the demented'verse series. 
> 
> They were all originally posted on my LJ in 2011.

Nate sat nervously in the common room. He had an hour to do this – less now, since Teddy was running late.  There was system in Hufflepuff for arranging private conversations. It had taken Nate a week to arrange that every member of the house would be elsewhere doing this hour. As far as arranging for Teddy to meet him there, well, that was the easiest part. Teddy was Nate’s friend. All he had to do was say, “meet me in the common room at 3pm” and he knew Teddy would come.  
  
It wasn’t that Nate was worried that Teddy wouldn’t be his friend anymore – actually, that’s why he was starting with Teddy. Out of everyone, he felt that Teddy would be the easiest. Nate’s Dad had said to ease into it – to start with the easiest and then work his way to the hardest. So, that’s what he was doing. One person, then two people...then three...then....  
  
“Hey Nate,” Teddy called as he walked into the common room. His hair was brown with little turquoise wisps at the ends – that was good.  “What’s up?”  
  
“Hi,” Nate said, standing awkwardly – then sitting, because this was hardly a formal event. Casual. Nothing important – well, important, but not...God, why was he nervous.  
  
“Where is everyone?” Teddy said. “It’s quiet in here.”  
  
“I asked for the room,” Nate admitted. “We have an hour – um, 50 minutes now.”  
  
Teddy’s smile left his face, and the turquoise wisps suddenly turned grey. Bad start, Nate thought.  
  
“Did I do something wrong?” Teddy asked. “Are you mad at me?”  
  
“No!” Nate reassured. “I just wanted to...I just...can we, um, I wanted to talk to you. Can you...sit?” Nate gestured to the couch beside him. Though, maybe Teddy would prefer the chair? Or...but Nate wanted him on the couch – so that he didn’t have to look at him because maybe that’d be easier.  
  
“Okay,” Teddy said, and he sat next to Nate. “What did you want to talk to me about? Are you okay?”  
  
“Yes, I’m fine,” Nate said. “I wanted to tell you... um, the thing is... I wanted to make sure that you knew that... um... I’m gay.”  
  
Nate watched as Teddy stared at him. Nate’s dad had said that his friends probably already knew – but it didn’t look like Teddy had known...it also didn’t particularly look like he was taking it well. Nate’s nerves suddenly got ten times worse – Teddy was supposed to be the easy one.  
  
“How do you know?” Teddy asked.  
  
“I just do,” Nate said. “I’ve known for a while, I just... wanted to tell you.” Teddy was supposed to understand – out of everyone, Nate had thought that Teddy would be the most understanding.  
  
“But how do you know you don’t like girls?” Teddy asked. “How do you know you only like blokes? What if you’re wrong?”  
  
This isn’t how it was supposed to go. Teddy was Nate’s closest male friend, and – and... Florence and Penelope had already guessed, so that had been easy, but if Teddy didn’t understand, then maybe none of the boys would understand, and they wouldn’t want him to sleep in the dorm room anymore, and they wouldn’t be his friend... and how could Teddy ask that? It wasn’t like Nate was different than Teddy, just because he wanted to date boys and not girls.  
  
“The same way you know you only like girls!” Nate said. He couldn’t even look at Teddy now. He looked into the fire and slouched back on the couch, crossing his arms. “How do you know you’re not wrong, huh? It’s the same as that! I’m not stupid.”  
  
Nate stared into the fire and waited for Teddy’s next argument, but it never came. Then he waited for Teddy to tell him they weren’t friends anymore and leave – but that didn’t happen either. So, Nate turned and looked at Teddy to try to figure out why he was just sitting there quietly.  
  
Teddy looked scared. His hair was completely grey now. Teddy looked uncertain and terrified and...very upset.  
  
Something had gone wrong with this conversation, and Nate had assumed it was Teddy’s fault – but... Nate replayed the conversation in his head slowly, until he realized that, at one point, he had made a very big assumption. Only...it couldn’t be...  
  
“Teddy?” Nate said softly. “Do you not know whether you only like girls?”  
  
“...no,” Teddy said, in a small voice.”I thought... I thought I did, but then.... what if I’m wrong?”  
  
“If you  _are_  wrong,” Nate asked right back, “would that be a bad thing?”  
  
“No!” Teddy said. “No, of course not. But...shouldn’t I know? Doesn’t everyone just know...like... like you said. And... am I stupid, because I don’t know?”  
  
Nate was an idiot. He’d have to write his parents and inform them that their son was an idiot. It’d be a whole different kind of coming-out.  
  
“No, you aren’t stupid,” Nate said. “I shouldn’t have said that before. I didn’t mean it like that... I thought that you... I thought that you wanted me to like girls.”  
  
“I don’t want you to like girls,” Teddy said. “They like you too much already. If you liked them... like that... then me and the other boys would never stand a chance. They’d probably all agree to time-share you.”  
  
“That’s a frightening thought,” Nate said. “But see... you just said that you wanted to date girls, just there. So, what’s the problem?”  
  
“What if I like blokes too?” Teddy asked softly. “How do I know?”  
  
“Well,” Nate said. “Do you ever think about... kissing boys?”  
  
“Um, not uh, before... but...” Teddy picked at a seam on the sofa and didn’t look up at Nate.  
  
“Before what, Teddy?” Nate asked.  
  
“Gran gave me my dad’s old journals,” Teddy said. “My mum’s too. Only I read Dad’s first... and he, um...” Teddy blushed, “...he fancied blokes too. He even... um, he uh... kissed them and such.”  
  
“Ok,” Nate said. “Did reading about it make you... excited?”  
  
Teddy looked at him in horror. “EW! No! That’s my  _dad_!”  
  
Nate laughed and scrunched up his face along with Teddy as they both tried not to think of their parents doing... that. Laughing about it seemed to relax Teddy though, which was a good thing. This wasn’t at all how Nate pictured this conversation going, but he was suddenly glad that they had the room for a full hour.  
  
“So, why did reading about your dad change things for you?” Nate asked.  
  
“Well,” Teddy played with his fingers. “If my dad was bisexual... maybe...um...”  
  
“Teddy,” Nate said. “Just because your dad was bisexual, doesn’t mean you have to be. That’s not the way it works. If it worked that way, then I’d be straight... and I’m not. I’m very gay.”  
  
“Right, I know that, I just hadn’t really thought about it before,” Teddy said, looking slightly upset again. “I guess... I guess I’m being stupid, yeah?”  
  
“No,” Nate said. “It’s not stupid. You aren’t stupid. Teddy... listen... after you read the journal did you think about boys... about... kissing them?”  
  
Teddy nodded.  
  
“And did it seem like something you would want to do?” Nate asked.  
  
Teddy shrugged.  
  
“Or were you just curious about what it would be like?” Nate asked. “I mean, I’ve wondered what it would be like to kiss girls... if it’s different than kissing boys, but that doesn’t mean that I want to date or actually kiss girls. I’m just curious, right. It’s okay to be curious. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Tell you what, if you want, I could kiss you – and then you’d know what it was like to kiss a boy.”  
  
“Really?” Teddy asked. “Like..um... real kissing?”  
  
“Sure,” Nate smiled.  
  
“Now?” Teddy asked.  
  
“Well, I did book the room for an hour,” Nate said, glancing at his watch. “Um, we still have a lot of time.”  
  
“Uh... okay,” Teddy said.  
  
They both stared at each other. Nate wasn’t really sure how to go about it, and it seemed Teddy hadn’t a clue either. So, Nate took a deep breath and moved closer to Teddy, then calmly placed his hand on Teddy’s cheek and leaned in.  
  
Teddy closed the distance. Nate decided to let Teddy set the tone for the kiss – and well, he had to give Teddy points for enthusiasm, though it seemed a little...confused, if a kiss could be confused. Nate framed Teddy’s face with both hands and slowly took over the kiss, calming it down out of instinct more than anything, because...well, it’s not like Nate had ever done this before.  
  
Just when Nate figured they had a good kissing rhythm going, Teddy started to giggle...and a fit of giggles was a funny thing to kiss, so Nate started giggling too, because everything was suddenly very ridiculous. They broke apart and Nate opened his eyes to see that Teddy’s hair was pink with black flecks that sort of seemed to dance through the strands of shaggy hair. His face was all Teddy though, and his eyes were the brown colour that Nate always thought of as Teddy’s natural colour.  
  
“So?” Nate said. “How was that?”  
  
“You kiss like a kitten,” Teddy laughed, “like you have a little kitten tongue.”  
  
“Well you kiss like you’re a puppy and I have peanut butter on my mouth,” Nate said, slightly offended.  
  
Teddy giggled again, and Nate realized that he hadn’t meant it as an insult.  
  
“So did I turn you gay, or what?” Nate elbowed Teddy in the side.  
  
“I don’t think it works like that,” Teddy said.  
  
“You know what I mean.” Nate smiled. “Did it do anything for you - kissing a boy?”  
  
Teddy was silent for a minute, his hair turning to mousey brown.  
  
 “It was... it was kind of weird,” Teddy said. “I mean, it was nice though. I like kissing.”  
  
Nate nodded, and then he leaned over and whispered in Teddy’s ear some suggestions of what else they could do. Teddy’s hair flashed immediately to pink and he looked horrified.  
  
“Do you want to do that stuff?” Teddy squeaked.  
  
“Not with you, and not right now,” Nate shrugged. “But eventually, with someone, yeah.”  
  
“I don’t,” Teddy said. “I definitely do not want to do any of that.”  
  
“So, maybe you only like blokes a little,” Nate shrugged, “like enough to not mind kissing them, but not enough to have sex with them. It’s not like you have to only be gay, straight, or bisexual. My mum says that sexuality can be very fluid...like... there’s four houses at Hogwarts, but I bet you could add even more...and some people don’t even think we should have any houses, that we shouldn’t categorize people. I think sexuality is like that, you know... you could have tons of categories, or we could just recognize that everyone is different and not try to label them at all.”  
  
While Nate talked, Teddy’s hair returned to mousey brown, and then got flecks of turquoise, and then his eyes shown blue – just like Nate’s own eyes.  
  
“You won’t tell anyone, right?” Teddy asked.  
  
“About you having a bisexual-crisis?” Nate asked. “No, that’s nobody’s business. Nothing we said or did today is anyone’s business.”  
  
“Thanks,” Teddy said.  
  
“For the record though,” Nate said. “I kiss like a tiger.”  
  
Teddy laughed.  
  
“Well then I kiss like a wolf!” Teddy declared.  
  
“I stand corrected,” Nate laughed, “I guess you  _did_  inherit something from your dad!”  
  
Teddy’s jaw dropped open, then he smiled wickedly. Before Nate could get away, Teddy lunged at him, pinning him against the couch.  
  
“Just for that,” Teddy said, though the words came out oddly.  
  
Then Teddy opened his mouth and unrolled his tongue – only it wasn’t his normal tongue, it was a dog’s tongue – and Nathan let out an unmanly shriek as Teddy licked a strip up Nate’s face from his chin to his eyebrow.  
  
“Gross!” Nate exclaimed, and quickly pulled a hand out of Teddy’s grip so he could wipe at his face. He didn’t even know metamorphmagi could  _do_  that.  
  
Teddy collapsed onto Nate’s chest in laughter.  
  
“You should have seen your  _face_ ,” Teddy said, his tongue now obviously back to its correct species.  
  
Instead of pushing Teddy away, Nate found himself wrapping his arms around him and holding him where he was. Because... well, after everything, if Teddy could still lick Nate’s face, then that probably meant they were good.  
  
“You think Iggy and Andy will be okay with me being gay,” Nate asked softly, as Teddy’s laughter faded.  
  
Teddy raised his head then, though he still stayed inside Nate’s embrace.  
  
“Yes,” Teddy said, his hair turning jet black, and his eyes flashing green. “And if for some reason they aren’t – or if anyone else gives you a hard time – I have your back.”  
  
“Thank you,” Nate squeezed Teddy. “I... thanks.”  
  
THIS. This is how it was supposed to go. Nate relaxed into the couch, Teddy’s firm weight on top of him, and he breathed a deep sigh of relief.  
  
Teddy dropped back down and... well, ‘snuggled’ was really the only word for it... into Nate’s chest.  
  
“You’re my best mate,” Teddy said.  
  
“Are you cuddling me?” Nate asked.  
  
“Is that okay?” Teddy asked.  
  
“Uh, yeah,” Nate said.  
  
“Good, because... well, I think I might be a bisexual cuddler,” Teddy replied.  
  
Nate laughed, and moved a hand up so that he could run his fingers through Teddy’s shaggy black and turquoise hair.  
  
“I’m glad you told me,” Nate said. “I want you to know that this will not affect our friendship whatsoever.”  
  
“Thanks, kittenlips,” Teddy said.  
  
“Anytime, puppytongue,” Nate laughed.


	2. The Most Noble...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate gets dumped, Teddy hasn't had much luck either.

Maybe most heterosexual sixteen year-old boys didn’t cuddle with their best friends, especially their gay best friends, but it had become a habit long before Teddy was even fully aware that most people would find it an issue. Thankfully, it wasn’t an issue for Teddy or Nate or any of their friends. The nice thing about Hufflepuff, Teddy thought, was that no one really cared whom you cuddled...Teddy’s last girlfriend had made an issue of it, but that’s what Teddy got for dating a Ravenclaw girl, he figured. Ravenclaws always made the mistake of overthinking things.  
  
They were squished onto the yellow couch in the common room – the fire reduced to coals, and everyone else long since gone to sleep or, at least, feigning sleep in an effort to give them some privacy.   
  
Earlier that evening Teddy had been doing homework with a group of friends when Nate had arrived in tears. Teddy had pulled him into a hug, before Teddy’s hair had even had a chance to decide if it should be grey with worry, or red with rage. The rest of Teddy’s study group had waited around until Nate assured them that they didn’t need to hex anyone, and then they had made their excuses and left Teddy with an armful of sobbing Nate.  
  
Eventually, Nate had been able to explain that he and Blake had broken up. He wouldn’t explain why, which only made Teddy think the worst – because certainly if it had been mutual or done nicely, then Nate wouldn’t be in such a state. Teddy hadn’t liked Blake anyway – he was egotistical and often condescending, as though he were snogging Nate as a favour rather than because he really wanted to.  
  
Nate yawned into Teddy’s chest and then sniffled a little. Teddy squeezed him in a hug, and then resumed running a hand up and down his back.  
  
“You should be happy to be rid of him, I think,” Teddy said to the top of Nate’s head. “You can do much better.”  
  
“Not at Hogwarts,” Nate sighed. “It’s just him and I, really.”  
  
“What about Timothy?” Teddy said. “I always thought he was-”  
  
“No,” Nate said. “He’s just a bit shy and awkward, that’s all.”  
  
Teddy tried to picture what it’d be like if there were only one girl at Hogwarts – he wasn’t quite sure how he’d react to that. It wasn’t like the girls necessarily made Teddy’s life better – after all, just a few months before Nate had been the one consoling Teddy, after Hilda told him.... well, that didn’t matter now.  
  
“I wish I fancied you,” Teddy said honestly.  
  
“I don’t,” Nate laughed, and Teddy thought maybe he was supposed to laugh too, but it was impossible to make any sound around the sudden pain in his chest.  
  
“Oh,” Teddy said. “Right.” Daft, really, to think that just because Nate fancied blokes, he might fancy Teddy if Teddy fancied blokes too – of course he wouldn’t, he probably didn’t like the look of Teddy. Not even Hilda had, after all, not really.  
  
“Ted?” Nate said, and then shifted his weight so that he could lift his head from Teddy’s chest and look down at him, eyes confused and then a little wide in understanding.  
  
“Is it because of how I look?” Teddy blurted out, and then winced. “I’m getting better at holding just one appearance, I am...it’s just that-”  
  
“Teddy, no,” Nate said. “I didn’t mean it like that at all. Merlin, I can’t believe she told you- I still think you should have let me challenge her to a duel for being so horrible to you.”  
  
“It’s the 21st century, Nate,” Teddy smiled. “I don’t need you to defend my honour. Besides, she had a point – it can’t be very nice to think you’re snogging someone attractive only to open your eyes and discover he’s unconsciously shifted into someone quite plain looking.”  
  
“You aren’t plain!” Nate said.  
  
“I am,” Teddy said. “It’s alright.”  
  
“No, you are not,” Nate insisted. “I’ll tell you why I’m glad we don’t fancy each other, and then that’s the end of this discussion, alright?”

Teddy nodded.  
  
“Now, I know you have a bit of a skewed perception giving your god-family, but most people don’t spend the rest of their lives with their school-sweethearts,” Nate said. “If you and I fancied each other now, the odds that we’d still be together years from now are quite slim – also, most people can’t be friends after they’ve dated. So, you see, it’s much better that we’re friends and not dating.”  
  
“Because you think we wouldn’t work out at all?” Teddy said. “That’s rather pessimistic of you.”  
  
“No,” Nate sighed. “Because romantic love is volatile and messy and... well, I’m glad we don’t fancy each other because that means that we’re friends – and friendship is much steadier than romance – and... well, basically... basically, I’m glad we don’t fancy each other, because this way I get to keep you forever.”  
  
“Oh,” Teddy said, and smiled up at Nate. “I think that’s the gayest thing you’ve ever said.”  
  
“Shut it, you git,” Nate blushed, but then dropped back down to Teddy’s chest and squeezed him in a hug.  
  
They stayed like that for a few silent minutes, and then Nate spoke up again.  
  
“And I don’t not fancy you because of your looks or the fact that you’re a metamorphmagus,” Nate said. “I don’t fancy you because you are horribly straight and that tends to turn me off, unsurprisingly.”  
  
Teddy laughed, not wanting to admit that it was something he actually needed to hear.  
  
“You’re quite attractive really,” Nate continued. “No matter what you look like, you’re always very attractive, Teddy, so don’t listen to anyone who says differently. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your friend – I’ve got very discerning tastes, you know. I certainly wouldn’t let some plain-looking bloke be the best man at my eventual wedding.”  
  
“I’m going to be your best man?” Teddy asked, smiling at the thought, and feeling a rush of happiness as he realized that he really did believe that Nate thought he was attractive.  
  
“Yes,” Nate said. “I’ve got it all planned out – I’ll move to London after we graduate and start dating properly nice and very good-looking men... until eventually I’ll meet the man of my dreams, and then we’ll get married, and you’ll be my best man, and Iggy, Andy, and Penelope will be groomsmen.”  
  
“I’ve got a house in London, you know,” Teddy said. “I think Harry’s planning to give it to me when I graduate. He and Ginny want to move to something smaller when James starts at Hogwarts. We could live together – that way we can make sure neither of us date anyone rotten ever again.”  
  
Teddy laughed as Nate scrambled up again and stared down at Teddy with a gobsmacked expression.  
  
“Are you asking me to move into the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black?” Nate asked.  
  
“Yeah, I am,” Teddy smiled. “Though, I was thinking of renaming it to ‘The Most Noble and Attractive House of Lupin and Friends’.”  
  
“I like it,” Nate laughed, giving Teddy a wide smile. “I take it back, I wish we did fancy each other, because I could just snog you senseless right now.”  
  
“Please don’t,” Teddy replied, raising his eyebrows. “It’s hard enough to explain the cuddling!”


	3. The Day After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate starts to recover from his breakup, with help, of course.

Nate woke up to the sounds of Iggy and Andy quietly shuffling around the room. His eyes felt gritty and swollen. Iggy came and sat quietly on the edge of his bed.  
  
“Do you want to come to the Hall for breakfast?” Iggy asked.  
  
Nate shook his head, and then looked over at Teddy’s bed. Teddy was still asleep. His hair was brown, and Nate was willing to bet that if he pried up his eye-lids, his eyes would be brown too. When Teddy slept, he usually always looked the same, lanky and brown-haired, and just... pleasant looking – like someone who’d never hurt anyone. Nate thought about Teddy’s offer to come live with him in London after they graduated, and he smiled.  
  
“You fell asleep on the couch last night,” Iggy whispered. “Teddy floated you in here around midnight.”  
  
Nate rolled his eyes. How undignified. Though, that did explain why he was still in his clothes from yesterday, and had no memory of going to bed.  
  
“Do you want us to bring you something from breakfast?” Iggy asked.  
  
“No,” Nate said, his voice rough and cracking on the one word. “I’ll go to the kitchens. You go on. I’ll get Teddy to come with me.”  
  
“See you in class then,” Iggy said. “We, uh... don’t share any mandatory classes with Gryffindor today, but I don’t know about your electives.”  
  
“Tomorrow,” Nate sighed. “I’ll be okay, I think. I’ll ask the professor if I can change seats.”  
  
“Let us know if you need us for anything,” Iggy said, and Nate saw Andy nod his head from the doorway. He knew it was probably killing them, not knowing what had happened.  
  
“Later,” Nate said. Iggy nodded and then he and Andy left.  
  
Nate got up and found some fresh clothes. He knocked Teddy on the foot, as he passed by Teddy’s bed on his way to the shower.  
  
“Wha?” Teddy’s hair flashed from brown to ginger to black and then back to brown as he woke up.  
  
“It’s morning,” Nate said. “Eat with me in the kitchens, yeah?”  
  
“’course,” Teddy mumbled.  
  
*  
  
“Will you tell me what happened?” Teddy asked, once they were sitting at the small table in a kitchen full of house elves.  
  
“Not now,” Nate said. “I’m tired.”  
  
“Sometimes he was mean to you,” Teddy said. Nate nodded. It was true. It hadn’t started out that way, when they had started dating, Blake had been quite nice.  
  
“He’s selfish too,” Teddy continued. “You’re better off without him.”  
  
“Yeah,” Nate said. “I am...it’s just, you know... it was nice to have...”  
  
“Yeah,” Teddy nodded. “I know.”  
  
Teddy had been devastated when Hilda broke up with him, mainly, because she had flat out told him that she didn’t find him attractive – or rather, only found him attractive when he looked a certain way. Teddy had walked around not quite looking like himself for two months and had claimed he was happy. Nate figured he had probably done the same thing, just not as visibly.  
  
Blake had found Nate attractive though – or, at least he said he did. Maybe he had been lying. It wasn’t like there was a very large dating pool for them. Nate had certainly found Blake attractive, for all that was worth.  
  
“We got into a fight,” Nate offered. “He yelled some rubbish at me – insults, that sort of thing. I broke up with him, though I guess it was mutual, and he’ll probably claim that he dumped me.”  
  
“What was the fight about?” Teddy asked.  
  
“It’s not important,” Nate said. “He’s a wanker.”  
  
Teddy nodded and seemed pleased that Nate was insulting Blake, but all Nate felt was sad.  
  
“Hey,” Teddy said, nudging Nate’s foot underneath the table. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”  
  
Nate wondered if Teddy could read minds, but then realized that he was just a good friend.  
  
“He said I was secretly in love with you.” Nate smiled.  
  
“Idiot,” Teddy said, rolling his eyes.  
  
*  
  
News had already spread by the time they reached their first class. Everyone in History of Magic was casting curious looks at Nate as he took his seat. He really wasn’t expecting the gossip to be that interesting to anyone, but then Penelope sat down beside him and said,  
  
“Blake has a black eye. Everyone saw it at breakfast. He’s saying you hit him, so he broke up with you.”  
  
“That’s not what happened,” Nate said.  
  
“Yeah, we figured he was lying, but it’s not like we can say otherwise,” Penelope said.  Nate winced.  
  
“Leave him be,” Teddy said to Penelope. “It isn’t our business unless he wants it to be.”  
  
“I just don’t like that bastard acting like he should get all the sympathy,” Penelope grumbled. “We saw you last night – you’d hardly be that upset if you were an abusive ass-”  
  
“Just leave it,” Nate said. “Let him... let him tell people what he wants.”  
  
Penelope looked upset at the idea, but she nodded and went back to pretending to listen to the lesson.  
  
“Nate,” Teddy whispered. “Did he hurt you?”  
  
Nate looked up from his notes and saw that Teddy’s hair was black with little red streaks that were slowly expanding.  
  
“No,” Nate said. “He just uh... it was stupid. I shouldn’t have- ... no, he didn’t hurt me.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Teddy said. Nate nodded. Teddy’s brown eyes turned green.  
  
“I’m going to have a nap,” Nate said. “Take notes for me?”  
  
“’course,” Teddy answered. Nate put his head down and closed his eyes.  
  
*  
  
At lunch Penelope and Florence joined Nate and Teddy in the kitchens instead of going to the Great Hall. Nate appreciated the girls’ concern, but them trying to get him to ‘talk about it’ wasn’t helping and only served to make him more depressed.  
  
“I thought I was one of your best mates is all,” Penelope said. “I don’t understand why you don’t trust me.”  
  
“It’s not that, Pen,” Nate sighed, picking bits off his sandwich. “I just don’t want to talk about.”  
  
“It’d make you feel better,” Penelope insisted.  
  
“It really wouldn’t,” Nate muttered.  
  
“Leave it alone, Loopy,” Teddy said. “You’re making it worse.”  
  
“Don’t call her that,” Florence spoke up. “And at least we’re trying to make him feel better. How is you growling at anyone who comes near him helping?”  
  
“I’m not growling,” Teddy... well, growled. Nate smiled.  
  
“Actually,” Nate said, “that helps a lot. It’s kind of nice to have my own guard dog.” Nate nudged Teddy under the table and winked at him. “Hm, puppytongue?”  
  
“Anything for you, ki’enlipth,” Teddy said, the last word lost to the morph that was taking place inside Teddy’s mouth. Teddy smiled and unrolled his dog-tongue, and panted.  
  
“Ugh!” the girls both said.  
  
“That’s disgusting!” Penelope said.  
  
“Aw, ladies,” Nate laughed. “It’s a blessing, just use your imaginations.”  
  
“Ugh!” the girls squealed again. “You’re  _both_  disgusting!”  
  
Teddy and Nate burst into laughter.  
  
 *  
  
Nate should have seen it coming, but he was still caught off guard when, at the end of Defence Against the Dark Arts, Prof. MacMillan looked straight at him and said,  
  
“Could you join me in my office, Mr. Lewin?”  
  
“Yes, sir,” Nate replied. Teddy stilled completely beside him.  
  
“I’ll wait for you,” Teddy said softly, taking back out his parchments, as though he were actually going to do his assignments rather than stare at the door of Professor MacMillan’s office.  
  
“You don’t ha-” Nate started to say.  
  
“Mr. Lupin,” Professor MacMillan said. “Class has been dismissed. I’m sure the library is a more suitable place for you to study.”  
  
Nate had just been about to tell Teddy to go, but now that Prof. MacMillan had, he desperately wanted Teddy to stay. He caught Teddy’s eyes.  
  
“You know where to find me,” Teddy said. Nate nodded.  
  
Nate didn’t get into trouble. It’s just not something he did. Teddy had gotten into trouble on occasion, so had Iggy and Andy – mostly together. It usually involved detentions and cleaning the trophy room. But those punishments were for missed assignments, tardiness, or breaking curfew to play quidditch after dark; Nate didn’t know what the punishment was for giving someone a black eye. He wished he hadn’t done it, that he had found some other way...  
  
The door of Professor MacMillan’s office closed behind Nate and the professor motioned to the chair in front of his desk. Nate sat, clasping his fingers nervously.  
  
“As I’m sure you are aware,” Professor MacMillan said, taking his seat behind the desk. “Blake Caldwell is sporting a rather impressive black-eye today. Professor Longbottom has expressed some concern as to how he may have gotten it.”  
  
“Yes, sir,” Nate said. Professor MacMillan stared at Nate with a frown.  
  
“Mr. Lewin,” he said. “I know that it is not uncommon for boys such as you and Mr. Caldwell to occasionally get into scraps, but you must know that it is never acceptable to hit someone, especially when you are in a romantic relationship with them.”  
  
“Yes, sir,” Nate said, staring at the items on the professor’s desk, rather than at Professor MacMillan’s face. “I know.”  
  
“And  _why_  did you punch Mr. Caldwell?” Professor MacMillan asked.  
  
“I didn’t have my wand, sir,” Nate answered honestly.  
  
There was a pause, during which Nate realized that it might have been the wrong thing to say – but, his parents always told him that it was best to be honest.  
  
“So, you would have preferred to hex him?” The professor said.  
  
“Yes, sir,” Nate said. “Then no one would know, ‘less he told‘m.”  
  
“So, you don’t regret hitting Mr. Caldwell, you only regret getting caught?” Professor MacMillan said slowly. “Mr. Lewin, this is very unlike you – what did Mr. Caldwell possibly do to deserve such treatment?”  
  
Nate squeezed his fingers together tightly, and then released them, then did it again. He stared at the desk in front of him, and thought of all the spells he could have used instead – everything he could have possibly done differently, to avoid everything, to avoid having this conversation.  
  
“Mr. Lewin,” Professor MacMillan pressed. “Answer my question.”  
  
“He wouldn’t listen to me,” Nate said.  
  
“And what were you saying that was so important?” Professor MacMillan asked.  
  
Nate squeezed his fingers together, feeling where his knuckles were bruised.  
  
“Stop. No. Get off of me,” Nate said.  
  
There was a silence then, and Nate studied the wood grain in the panelling on Professor MacMillan’s desk. Professor MacMillan’s office was quite smartly decorated – old wood, and antique looking things, and comfortable chairs.  
  
“And what was Mr. Caldwell doing to you at the time?”  
  
Nate’s head snapped up and he met Professor MacMillan’s gaze before he could stop himself. He quickly looked away, back to the wood grain. He twisted his fingers together, felt his face heat, and something behind his eyes started to ache.   
  
“He was trying to...” Nate squeezed his fingers until it hurt. How could Professor MacMillan ask him that question? How was he supposed to answer? Nate closed his eyes. “We aren’t allowed to... do that... in school. I tried to tell him. I didn’t want to do it anyway, even if it were allowed. I told him that too. But he didn’t listen.”  
  
“And did he... succeed in getting what he wanted?” Professor MacMillan asked. Nate glanced up at him again, but the professor's face was unreadable.  
  
“No, sir, I punched him, remember?” Nate answered.  
  
“Right,” Professor MacMillan exhaled. “And after you punched him, then what happened?”  
  
“We had a row,” Nate said. “And I broke up with him... though, I think, uh, it was mutual. He... was quite angry with me.”  
  
“Did he hurt you in any way?” Professor MacMillan asked.  
  
“No,” Nate said. Blake had hurt Nate’s feelings, but those didn’t count.  
  
“Okay, well, that’s all very good to know,” Professor MacMillan said, and then he smiled. “It certainly explains why Mr. Lupin has been looking like a punk version of Harry Potter all day.”  
  
“Oh, Teddy doesn’t know,” Nate said. “That’s just what he looks like when he’s being protective. I think because Mr. Potter is-”  
  
“Why haven’t you told him?” Professor MacMillan asked.  
  
“I haven’t told anyone,” Nate said.  
  
“And why is that?” Professor MacMillan asked. Nate stared at him. It was because he didn’t want anyone to know, because it was embarrassing, because...  
  
“Boys are supposed to want to do it,” Nate said softly.  
  
“But you didn’t,” Professor MacMillan said.  
  
“I do,” Nate said. “I do want to – I just didn’t want to last night, not like... not the way...” Nate twisted and squeezed his fingers together again, and looked back at the grain in the wood of the desk.  
  
“Not on a Wednesday night, in school, with your boyfriend’s roommate due back in an hour?” Professor MacMillan said. Nate nodded, because yes, those were all very good reasons.  
  
“And I was nervous,” Nate admitted. “And my dad said...” and Merlin, that had been an awkward conversation that Nate had wanted to forget immediately, but for some reason he couldn’t – just like he was sure he wouldn’t forget this conversation either. “...he  said that I should never do anything if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that I wanted to do it.”  
  
“Those all sound like very good reasons not to want to do something,” Professor MacMillan said.  
  
Nate nodded. He still didn’t want anyone to know though.  
  
“So, what if the same thing happened to Mr. Lupin?” Professor MacMillan said. “Would you think he was less of a man?”  
  
“No,” Nate said, looking up again. “But Teddy’s straight.”  
  
“What does that have to do with anything?” Professor MacMillan asked.  
  
“Girls don’t do that,” Nate said.  
  
“What makes you think that?” Professor MacMillan asked. “Are you saying that if Mr. Lupin told you that a girl tried to pressure him into doing something he didn’t want to do, you would tell him that he was lying and that he wasn’t a real man?”  
  
“No,” Nate said. “Of course not!”  
  
“But you’d think it?”  
  
“No!” Nate said angrily.  
  
“Then what would you do?” Professor MacMillan asked.  
  
“I’d hug him until he fell asleep, because he likes that, and then I’d go hex that girl,” Nate said.  
  
“That was more than I needed to know about your relationship with Mr. Lupin, and a little violent,” Professor MacMillan smiled, “but do you see my point, Mr. Lewin?”  
  
“You think I’m a bad friend,” Nate said.  
  
“No, quite the opposite,” Professor MacMillan said. “I think you are a good friend, and so is Mr. Lupin. I sincerely doubt he’ll think any less of you, if you tell him what really happened.”  
  
“Oh,” Nate said, feeling the anger drain out of him.  
  
“I would also like to thank you for being honest with me,” Professor MacMillan said.  
  
Nate nodded.  
  
“Am I in trouble?” Nate asked. “Are you going to write my parents?”  
  
“No,” Professor MacMillan said. “You aren’t in trouble. I’ll have a talk with Professor Longbottom.”  
  
“Are you going to tell him...” Nate trailed off.  
  
“Yes,” Professor MacMillan said. Nate looked at the floor. This was horrible. “I’m going to tell him,” Professor MacMillan continued, “but only because Mr. Caldwell has to learn that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable. Do you understand?”  
  
Nate nodded, not bothering to look up.  
  
“Where is Mr. Lupin waiting?” Professor MacMillan asked.  
  
“In the hallway,” Nate said.  
  
“I thought so,” Professor MacMillan said. “You can go now.”  
  
“Thank you, sir,” Nate replied, picking up his book bag and quickly heading towards the door.  
  
“Mr. Lewin, please consider having a little more faith in your friends,” Professor MacMillan called after him. “Even Harry Potter needed the support of his friends.”  
  
“Yes, sir,” Nate said. Once the office door shut behind him and he was almost out of the classroom, Nate muttered “even Harry Potter had to eat his oatmeal,” because honestly, how many times had he heard the ‘even Harry Potter’ line in his life.  
  
“Harry hates oatmeal,” Teddy said, jumping up from behind the last row of desks. Nate nearly had a heart attack.  
  
“Merlin’s beard,” Nate gasped. Teddy smiled sheepishly. “I thought you were waiting in the hall.”  
  
Teddy shrugged, and pulled Nate out of the classroom.  
  
“Did you get in trouble?” Teddy asked.  
  
“No,” Nate said. “I explained what happened. I just got... uh, a warning? I guess I got a warning. I’m not supposed to punch any of my boyfriends anymore. It should be pretty easy to avoid, now that I don’t have one.”  
  
“But you didn’t just punch him for no reason,” Teddy said. “I mean... there was a reason, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” Nate said. “That’s why I’m not in trouble, I think.”  
  
“Okay,” Teddy said, and he smiled at Nate as though it didn’t matter that Nate had told his secrets to a professor, instead of his best friend. “I need to pick up a book at the library, then I’ll come watch your quidditch practice, yeah?”  
  
“Yeah,” Nate smiled, even though he was exhausted and the idea of flying around for two hours was suddenly not as appealing as it normally was. Still, they had the game against Slytherin in a week, and they needed to work on their formations.  
  
Teddy always sat in the stands during practice. Nate, Iggy, and Andy all joked that he wasn’t actually watching them at all, because you couldn’t watch quidditch and read library books at the same time. They had even tried telling him just to stay warm and not bother leaving the library. Teddy had actually stopped coming during the two months he had been dating Hilda – and the whole time Nate noticed that even Iggy and Andy kept looking at the empty spot in the stands and frowning.  
  
“Remember, catch it with your hands, not your mouth,” Teddy nudged Nate with an elbow. “Dad will blame himself if you choke to death. Besides, who knows where that thing has been.”  
  
Nate laughed.  
  
*  
  
Nate waited until that evening. He waited until they were all in bed, and Iggy had turned out the lights, and no one could see each other.  
  
“I punched Blake because he tried to have sex with me when I didn’t want to,” Nate said all at once into the darkness.  
  
“That bastard!”  
  
“Did he hurt you?”  
  
“I’ll go punch him myself!”  
  
“Wanker!”  
  
“Literally, because he’s not getting near Nate again!”  
  
“I’ll hex him tomorrow. I don’t even care. I’ll think of a good one.”  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah, are you okay?”  
  
“I’m okay, he didn’t hurt me,” Nate replied. “I was just... it was just a bit... Merlin, he was a wanker. I don’t know why I even went with him at all.”  
  
“Because you’re the only two gays in the school?” Iggy said.  
  
“Iggy!” Andy said. “Stop being insensitive. Good God.”  
  
“What?” Iggy said. “It’s true, isn’t it? I bet he’s sorry now, because any guy would be lucky to be with Nate, but Blake is always going to be a wanker.”  
  
Andy sighed and Nate laughed.  
  
“Thanks, Iggy,” Nate said.  
  
“I’m sorry your first boyfriend turned out to be an ass,” Andy said. “But hey, it may be a wasted first kiss, but it wasn’t a wasted first punch-in-the-face.”  
  
“He wasn’t my first kiss,” Nate said, because for some reason, speaking into the darkness makes you say stupid things.  
  
“What?” Iggy said. “Who else is there?”  
  
“Uh, it was a long time ago,” Nate said. “I kissed a really nice guy. It was, um, before I even told you I was gay, which was why I never said anything about it – sorry.”  
  
“Oh,” Iggy said. “Was it a muggle? Why didn’t you date him?”  
  
“It just didn’t work out like that,” Nate said. “I don’t regret it though. I'm glad it was him.”  
  
“Oh, well that’s good,” Iggy said.  
  
“Yeah,” Nate said.  
  
Nate listened to Iggy and Andy drop off to sleep. Nate couldn’t relax completely though, and he wasn’t sure why – and then he heard Teddy’s bed covers move, soft footsteps, and then his own bed dip as someone crawled into it.  
  
“Hey,” Nate whispered to the dark shadow beside him.  
  
“Cuddle me asleep?” Teddy asked softly.  
  
“’course,” Nate said, he shifted so that Teddy could lie half on the bed and half on Nate, and then brought his arms around the other boy.  
  
“I’m glad you were my first kiss too, tiger,” Teddy whispered against Nate’s shoulder. “And I really am going to hex that bastard.”  
  
Nate just squeezed him tighter.  
  
One of the many things that Blake had yelled at Nate, when Nate was trying to put his shirt on the right way around, was that Nate and Teddy were fucked up – that Nate was secretly in love with him, and that no one would ever measure up to ‘precious Teddy’ in Nate’s mind, and therefore Nate would be alone forever. Nate actually considered it, because, out of everything Blake had yelled, it was possibly the least ridiculous.  
  
Would it really be so bad to measure potential boyfriends against Teddy? Teddy was sweet, and wouldn’t hurt a fly – well, unless the fly hurt one of Teddy’s friends first. Teddy didn’t make Nate chose between his other friends and him. Teddy didn’t act like he was doing Nate a favour by hanging out with him. Teddy didn’t hold him down while he tried to get into Nate’s trousers, and thus force Nate to punch him. Really, the only thing wrong with Teddy was that he wasn’t gay at all and therefore Nate didn’t particularly want to have sex with him – also, he was Nate’s best mate and more like a brother than a boyfriend. Though, most brothers didn’t nuzzle each other’s clavicles as they fell asleep.  
  
“Goodnight, Teddy,” Nate said, threading his fingers through Teddy’s hair.  
  
“Mm,” Teddy replied, and even though Nate couldn’t see it, he could feel the moment when Teddy’s hair changed from course black to soft brown.  
  
One thing was for sure, Nate didn’t need a boyfriend in order to feel loved.


End file.
